Friday, December 18, 2015

I have no idea what I'm doing

Childcare pick-ups are a rare thing, like sleep filled nights but the response is worth it!

It was a back early December shopping centers are already full of Christmas decorations and we just picked up our Christmas Tree the day before, I was driving to the last Triathlon for 2015 a short punchy sprint event as part of the Physiohealth Team at ActiveTri Series Race 2. The last few months have been a hard slog, new job, coupled with Z-Girl and general life swirling around making training tough.

No support crew this morning, so it was a solo drive down to Mordialloc Beach to set myself up, I started reflecting in the car my 2015 and the birth of Z-Girl and how with no knowledge what so ever I have somehow made everyone think I can handle this Dad/ Athlete/ Husband thing pretty well.

Let me just say I have NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING

The truth is in my list of what I thought this year was going to be like

1. My wife and I will still go out for dinner and grapple the odd wine post work, are you serious? maybe the training, maybe the lack of sleep early on but sometimes at 5pm on a Friday I needed a coffee over a beer. And the truth is on a Friday I just want to get home and hang out with my little girl for the slender 45mins before she falls asleep in my lap.

2. I can still train early in the morning or even late at night. Motivation is not something I always lack, but staring at a training plan that calls for an 1 hour run after a day in the office, returning home to pasta being used as a weapon and a home that look's like we've just been robbed means sometimes I just go for 30 minutes, or maybe I do intervals on the treadmill instead and some cases its a functional strength routine of cleaning the house.

3. Will be great to take Z-Girl to events and share the fun. Kid's like fun, kid's like attention. Z-Girl doesn't like sitting in her pram or being held, and neither would I if I spent most of my time in a brace, she wants to behave like a free range chicken so waiting for a sluggish Dad to get over the finish line sometimes means my wife has completed a Mom-Tri herself, babysitting- feeding - amusing a baby, the third leg always being the hardest!

4. I'm setting a great example for Z-Girl with my commitment. I want my triathlon quest to be noble and despite keeping my competitive juices flowing I want to show her that health & fitness is a great building block to life, REALLY all she'd rather know is "where did Dad go when he put his hands on his face?'' and "Can I have a another piece of banana to chew on?"

5. My weekends will be great family adventures. Fact going anywhere requires a plan, timing to include a sleep for Z (and sometimes us) we need to remember which family members we haven't caught up with and see them first, then maybe stay in touch with mates we don't see too often, make sure I have clean underwear, have we fed the cat? Did you clear out those weeds from the garden? What time is it? Oh ok, don't worry we can have an adventure next weekend.

6. Triathlon training will keep me fit and healthy. It is the start of summer and I have a head cold. I have had two bouts of gastro, constant runny nose and a cough that seems to arrive every 2 weeks. and that's just me, should see Super Wifes checklist. Childcare is the biggest biological threat to every family member and extended connections that meet with us. Z-Girl is sick during the week, gets better on the weekends and sick again come Wednesday afternoon. No immune system is spared.

2015 has seen a whole warehouse of changes in the Reid Castle, from our routine to our way of thinking, right down to what and where we eat. Kid's change you! FACT. And some will say it's for the worse but I ask if they are looking at it from their point of view or mine.

I did so much thinking on my own that morning that my head cleared up and I posted an 11th place finish, a touch outside the Top 10, putting in my fastest 500m swim for the year. In fact I wished I did have my wife there to celebrate, instead I went home and bored her with the numbers while we discussed how much play-dough our daughter ate earlier that morning and if it contains calories.

The fact is in 2015 I have spent three quarters of it having no idea what I'm doing, and the other quarter I just figured if she doesn't cry everything must be alight. I have had to shift the balance and make some tough calls as to what's important to me. This little kid by 13 years old will know everything and think her Dad is major dag and so I won't be in the spotlight, but until then I will keep convincing her I have done this before until she works out otherwise.

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